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Showing posts from January, 2019

3 secret ingredients to an amazing day

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When I was living through my addiction, I'd use any drug I could to alter my emotional state to one which I desired. One which was more pleasurable than the life sobriety lived in. Today I don't use drugs to alter my state of mind. It doesn't mean I don't alter it though.

Some days I wake up and it's like the whole world is waiting on me with open arms. My excitement is naturally seeping out my eyes, shooting stars at anyone who crosses my path. These days are the best. It's almost effortless. Then others are like I'm dragging myself through the day like a sled dog trying to pull Santa. Why in the world can't I have the amazing days every day!??! One day at a time right? Control the variables man. Here are 3 ways I use to more consistently have days full of stars in my eyes. 


THE NUMBER 1 way to control my emotional state is to wake up early. I have found that alone time allows me to build emotional momentum. I take care of the important things first, the…

3 skills to grow while being a parent with a time crunch.

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I’m pulling my hair sitting outside of my house. “How can I fix this!? I can’t. There’s nothing I can do. UGH!!” I stand up, walked back into my house where my pregnant girlfriend is. “I don’t know what to do.” I said under toned with frustration. Our arguing was more consistent than ever. I didn't know how to fix it. I hadn’t an idea at the time how our relationship was going to work.

So I listened. I listened to her fears, to what she said. Also to what she didn’t say. I listened to her think out loud and repeated it back to her until we both understood. Turns out, trying to fix it was part of the problem. As Einstein said, "We can not solve our problems with the same thinking that created them." 

New relationships and seasons of life have challenged my growth like a champions road to the Super Bowl. I’ve wanted to quit. I had no idea how it was ever going to work. It’s taken a lot of listening and using tools I’ve learned while pursuing to "master thy self." F…

My current relapse

Recovery, relapse, recovery, relapse.

I am now 5 years clean. Something like that. I mean I know my clean date. I don't focus on it though. I don't view my life through a lens that I am damaged or broken. I don't look at my trait of addiction to be one of all bad either. It isn't to me a disease which can never be cured. I also do not argue that it is or isn't for other people. What I prefer to do is take responsibility for my life. I get it. You know the concept that we are powerless. Especially while living through destructive addiction. I know the feeling all to well. You know what though? After years of reflection it comes down to this. It wasn't until I was willing to do WHATEVER it takes to change. For me, that was turning myself into jail and taking it seriously. It took a change of mindset and some divine guidance. It's a mutual effort. My pastor calls this grace driven effort. 

Relapse, Recovery

I am now relapsing. As I am writing this I am expressing…

Bad Habits gone good

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Not all the habits we develop through our years of destructive addictions are bad. Some of them end up being valuable for us in our road through redemption. 

One of the most influential habits I have, has been passed on to me from my drug addiction. While using drugs and living on the streets I quit watching TV and read many books from the library. Today as I live with constructive habits this one is by far the most meaningful. Here is how this habit has helped me become a better me.
First off, the time spent sitting and watching a show has to be traded. Replace the time spent on a couch being absorbed into the latest series with constructive habits. My decisions are to read, write or work out.
Reading books keeps my mind directed toward the growth I need in my life. I consistently have a line of books I know I’m going to read next. I call it my curriculum. Reading something educational at least 20 minutes a day keeps our minds engaged, and the curiosity flowing. 
Writing helps me organiz…

3 tactics to battle bad days.

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Why? I ask. The rain massages my face while the darkness illuminates the moon light, I cry. My heart’s beating in slow motion as I stand in isolation. I just don’t understand why I’m living amongst the desolation. These drugs still living in my veins pumping through my arteries, am I so vain to ask for help? The pain this addiction has caused me. I’m trying so hard. Like a worm swimming to the surface of the storm. I was warned.

It’s like the ship wrecked and I’m swimming against the current to a life boat which is drifting further and further away. With each splash of my flailing arms the ripples created are pushing my chance of survival away. The more I try the bigger the ripples, and the further my chance goes.

As I tread water contemplating my existence, my fear turned into acceptance. With one last deep breath I sink. The pressure builds in my chest and begins to convulse. My mind remains calm. I’m squeezing my eyes together so tight my eyelids overlap until in a seamless bridge th…