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Showing posts from November, 2018

The benefits of relapse.

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The persistent will get it, the consistent will keep it.
Relapse is to recovery as cold is to ice cream. I can’t tell you how many times I tried to quit using. I think I graduated out-patient rehab successfully three times. It’s a funny thing though, the relationship of our dueling mind isn’t it? How can we want two things which are at war with each other? When did it become so black and white is the question. The answer of our desire is to balance it all. Yet, we can not. So, our answer must be to use, or not to use. Is it our inability to stick to a decision? Is our suffering all because of our indecision?

While in one of my many rehab visits, I learned that every time we try to quit using, the next time we have a better chance of success. They just don’t know the exact percent. They differ from person to person. This stuck with me for years. Every time I tried to quit, I hoped this would be the time. All but one yielded failure. It is well that I persisted. However, with all the peop…

How to navigate your recovery

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We do big things by lots of little things.
Where I once though I floated through life as if I were a leaf blowing in the cool autumn wind, guided only by mystery, I have seen that perhaps the only mystery was my own disconnection with my consciousness. My many seemingly thoughtless navigation's led me down a direction to an unsavory destination. There were many decisions I made in repetition to develop my reputation. Decisions in the beginning to want to me liked by others at my own expense. My decisions on who I thought was cool. To drink with intention on being as drunk as possible. To use pills as recreation. To instead of working harder to make more money, to move into assisted living. The list goes on and on. The big thing I did? I created a living hell full of mental manipulation, lies, and insecurity all around me. I lived in crack hotels. Slept on church steps. Ate out of trash cans. Worst yet, destroyed everything I cared about for my high. If I navigate my own direction t…

4 steps to become the royal you.

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In my blog, “Truth found in incarceration” I touched on an experience I had while buying something from a gas station messed up. I mentioned I kept my money in a bible. This moment opened in me, an ability to see my self differently. I wasn’t being honest with myself. Let me give you a little more background on this situation.

Through my various vacations behind bars I found it easier to use my time through routine. Exercise and Bible. I’d build up my body and relationship with God. which I mostly abandoned upon release. Sometimes I’d keep a prayer journal and write to God when I got out. Eventually though, I’d let it fall away. After my last release from the Florida incarceration system, I was determined to not let this happen again. When I’d steal, I’d pray before I went in. I’d ask God to read my heart and protect me. I’d sit in the grass and spend time writing poems to Our Heavenly Ally. I really tried to stay away from drugs. I even kept my bible from jail, and always had it in my…