Showing posts from September, 2018

"We are rewarded in public, for what we practice for years in private,"

When I started using it was all in fun. All the friends were drinking having a good time. I wanted to feel cool. When a select group of people went away together, I wanted in there. I wanted to feel special. This division of superior segregation resulted in my alienation. The actions of repetition during my privacy became my talent. I became better and better at using drugs. Eventually I would receive my reward. In some social circles I didn’t want people knowing about my addiction. Some friends, authority figures and family. In time, what was hidden would be revealed. My reward was my recognition. The State's ammunition resulted in repetitive incarceration. Mugshots and press releases of my prosecution became my revelation. The talents of my practice, once perfected manifested my public reward. Then it was time to transition. Once transient I became a man of mission. When I took in these words while reading Awaken the Giant Within, “We are rewarded in public for what we practice fo…

Interview of the addict

I am not my past, it is only a part of me. A valuable memory, held in my treasury. Many want to hide their past behind the deepest caverns. Eventually if we go back in, and mine our mind, gems you will find. The pressure had turned our rocks into riches. What we had of  little value, has now become valuable. We can harbor it or make it available. True joy comes when we make available our value and invite many to the table. 
I was asked to interview by a friends daughter for a school project. She asked some good questions about my story and my addiction. What would I say to my son if he began the road I took? What regrets do I have? Am I proud of who I am now? 
1. Where are you from? I am from Lancaster, Ohio. 
2. How old are you?  My birthday is May 29, 1984. I am 34 years old. 
3. What decisions have you made in your life that you are proud of? Being the Father of Peyton, my 12 year old son and my daughter Azalea who is 8 months old. I am also proud that I was able to move past my drug addi…

2018 Troy Memorial Freedom Climb

The Troy Memorial Freedom Climb is an annual event organized by Joe and Zach Stutz, a father and son from Troy, Ohio. I have another video and blog about them and last years here.

This year they've estimated close to $2000 raised! It will be split evenly to local and national police and firefighters. 

This year though I wanted to write about the person I was running for. Lt Timothy Higgins. I didn't know who he was until recently.  I love this clip. Check it out man, he this kind of character pumps me up!
"I was fortunate to meet and become friends with Timmy in 1980. I shared a house with his buddies in Freeport. He took me for many rides on his Harley. Timmy became like a brother to me and without my asking, watched over me. About a year later, I moved to Lynbrook into a 2-family house. One night I was out at a club with a girlfriend and someone stole my pocketbook. They got everything - keys to my apartment and car, license, etc. The owner of the house had the lock change…

How vision and mission can prevent relapse

There are many habits I developed through my addiction that Life has shaped into strengths today. I was blind to all of this until I began looking into reflection. It the pool of my past I can see that though I didn't believe I was a structured person or a man of mission, the reality of it is true. Today these habits keep me clean. 

I used to wake up, mix up my dope and begin my day. I can remember the feeling of excitement I had when I was grinding up my Oxycontin, or mixing up my heroin first thing in the morning. Being excited to wake up is addicting in its own. Then there were the other days. The days I didn't have my high to wake up to. Those days I would wake up with a little more urgency. I was on a mission. I knew what I had to do. It usually consisted of getting a bus pass, or walking to the local grocery store, Walmart, or Home Depot. There I would acquire objects of value which I could pass on to others at a reasonable cost. I now had a green source of value which wo…