Showing posts from July, 2018

The Mud Ninja

They are the silent assassins. They move in the darkness, attack in silence. The victims lie unaware of how they could have been so easily plucked from security. The Ninja. What a perfect name for this race. It is easy to blame things external for our own inadequacies. It's easier on our ego. It isn't our fault that we didn't perform well. Uh huh. Not me. I can most often find something to improve upon. Though the physical obstacles didn't apply much opposition, the obstacles unseen took away my dream. The admired sword of the ninja. 

"The course wasn't marked well! I got lost twice." I said to Troy when he asked what I thought. "Isn't that always the case." He responded. He didn't direct this to a habit particular to me. It was directed to all of us who have at one point used this excuse to cover up our fault to protect our innocence. 

When our speed and addiction to competition overshadow our awareness, it is no ones guilt but our own fo…

3 ways emotions guide us through life

I loved my drugs. The highs, the lows. Extreme sickness to heavenly bliss in seconds. Every ailment or emotion had a solution. My drug. Boredom, sadness, disgust, all would and could be quickly converted into Joy, happiness, and excitement. Well initially. Often the short-lived and long remembered moments were followed by a long duration of fear, suspicion, or confusion. I once wrote about the power of drugs and their ability to control our emotions while I was in jail. Imagine if I could inject them systematically to create my desired feelings every time. Courage, excitement, feelings of power!? Hummm, sounds like the pharmaceutical corporations.  

After I got clean I didn’t recognize a lot of emotions anymore. Some were more intense than I could’ve ever imagined that be. I didn’t want to feel some of them. Still I had to manage them. During my last life I desired to manage my emotions with external substances. Even now, the same quest lays before me. To manage my emotions. However th…

3 keys that unlock growth

I’m stuck in this rut. Constantly I’m standing stranded behind bars barely breathing. My life is fixed. I’m living the same story recorded on repeat. In this cell I just want to yell. Stuck with people of like mind, my destiny has been set. I look in the mirror and I’m covered in stickers stuck to me in sympathy professionally. BIPOLOR. ADDICT. ADHD. CRIMINAL. THIEF. I want to wander but I wonder if they arrest me to keep my mind arrested? If I stay here I have to believe these labels. They're staples for my kind. My kind? Wait. Rewind. We all come into this world crying and we all leave alone. If this is it true, what if the power of choice is mine to choose. I can’t stay here anymore. My mind is set to change. This is where I set my mind. A new mindset.

"Don't believe what you believe just 'cause that's how they raised you Think your own thoughts, don't let them do it for you Say you want a drink, don't wait for people to pour it on you."
-NF (Remember …