A father's 6 wants and 1 don't for his children
It's not to say that as a child, I could not raise my son. I mean, in the three years he was in my custody I did my best. When I was high, I was functional. I don't mean to sound irrational. We would goto the park, watch cars the movie, I'd push him on the swing. I would teach him how to write his name. He loved me unconditionally. Though eventually my addiction took hold, and so did children services. I saw it coming eventually. Ha, even then I had foresight. Turns out, I was the dad who I believed I should be.
This is the way I understood my duty as Dad. I was to love him and to teach him. Teach him to be disciplined and polite, and to listen to my words not my actions. Well not all of them. If I hid my shameful acts he would never know. The truth can only be hid so long.
After I overdosed with him in the car, my life was forever changed. No longer was I his Dad. Not even the definition I had determined. I was, lost. I had to find myself. Once I found me, I realized eventually, that I had to be my own dad. If I couldn't parent myself, how can I expect to parent him?
Now I have a new girlfriend, a new daughter, and I am a new Father. Since I am not the same person I was in 2006, I am not the Dad I once was. Today I am more like a Father I suppose.
Now, the way I see this opportunity I have, is that of, a gift. It's also a duty, a responsibility. I have two weekends a month with my son today. One full day for my physical presence to influence him. My view on time is deep. Some how's to preform my duty are: How can I be a friend, and a Father? How much can my role, model to him what it means to be a man? How can the moments spent with me, materialize his character into a person, one day he will be proud to be? How can our lessons spent together prepare him for the adversity of this world?
Time now isn't to be wasted, it is to be concentrated.
2) I want you to confidently, respect yourself and others.
3) I want you to know yourself, love yourself, and strive to never cross the celestial line of conscience God has graciously given to you.
4) I want your faith in God to be so strong it will brave you to walk into the unknown with familiarity and authority.
5) I want your standards to be high, and your judgement on others to be with understanding and patience.
6) I want you to be a good, and bad person. The kind of good that it isn't a wonder whether, you are good person. It's easily understood. The kind of bad that isn't afraid to think for yourself, ask tough questions and have the courage to stand up to authority if it is the right thing to do.
7) I don't want you to be afraid of pain. This fear will keep you from some of life's ultimate pleasures.
There are more lessons I think are important. I am also sure that as I gain more life experience these will continue to change.
Nearly 12 years ago I was a boy still raising a child. Today I am a man raising a lil' man. I am responsible for sharing experiences with him that will stick with him through tough times. His character, I am striving to influence to be one of integrity. I intend for him to be a man of grit, who isn't afraid to get wet, and walk bravely with certainty in a world full of uncertainty.
Today, also, I am five months into a new mission. Miss Azalea Grace whose life is the new responsibility I've been given. And though it's the same, it's completely different.
The BA2L is real,
Be addicted to life.
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