Showing posts from June, 2018

3 R's that rescued me from the Indian.

I can feel the wind blow by my cheeks. My chest hurts from expanding over and over to it's limits. My breathing is so loud it drowns out any animal sound which may be in the woods. I look back she is still there. I can't shake her. I climb the cargo net up the slick mossy rock. "Sir! Stop! You're going too far! Come down and go to your left!" The volunteer advised. Now she is on my heals. "Thank you for volunteering." She says. Which was just the beginning of the conversation she had while on this natural obstacle. As we are traversing across the vertical rock via a hanging tree truck under our feet she gets to know the volunteer well. We both again say our thank you's and bear crawl up the next hill.  "You don't mind that I talk to you do you?" She asks. "Nope, not at all" I respond.  "Well some people are all like, "I'm trying to focus." "Ha Ha. Yeah I'm trying not to focus! Talk as much as you w…

A father's 6 wants and 1 don't for his children

Nearly 12 years ago I became a Dad. Further from fatherhood, I was a dad who hadn't developed into maturity. Naturally, I nearly lost permanently that responsibility. My internal definition of dad, would provide Peyton with the Dad he had. While time had passed my parent did his parenting, until it became apparent that my understanding had been developing. 

It's not to say that as a child, I could not raise my son. I mean, in the three years he was in my custody I did my best. When I was high, I was functional. I don't mean to sound irrational. We would goto the park, watch cars the movie, I'd push him on the swing. I would teach him how to write his name. He loved me unconditionally. Though eventually my addiction took hold, and so did children services. I saw it coming eventually. Ha, even then I had foresight. Turns out, I was the dad who I believed I should be.

This is the way I understood my duty as Dad. I was to love him and to teach him. Teach him to be discipline…

Lessons Learned from Savage Race

Savage Race is a mid size obstacle course race with races all over the United States. The race I attended last weekend was at Mad River Mountain Ski Resort in Zanesfield, Ohio. Being at a ski resort, it isn't surprising that there was over 1000 feet of uphill travel. Big, long, one after another hills.

I woke up the morning of the race nervous. Now I'm not usually nervous, but I just got over a pretty bad ankle sprain and all I could think about was coming down the hills. I use different tactics to help me keep my mind right before a race. I have a specific playlist I listen to. I also listen to Steven Furtick's "I will fight." It's really good. Nothing was really getting me out of it.

When we got to the race I was running late. I didn't have time to do my warm up. I was wearing compression socks that I don't normally wear. These by no means are excuses for performance, they all contributed to the negative self talk in my mind. 

In bigger races like this…

Bath Salts, dehydration and malnutrition

Bath salts have been among some of the most intense and unexplainable chapters of my life. It’s as if when I snorted them, it I enhanced all that was me. They magnified my personality and abilities. Which began OK until fears and suspicions entered. While those were magnified too, my mind had some explaining to do. 
Remember in the blog I wrote about my wife dying in the Intown suites? My mind searched for answers. I was in a reality show on drugs. about the effects of stimulants. My wife was now three Heather’s. They work shifts. Some were young, some older, all looked similar. One, was 2 inches taller than the others. There was nothing I couldn’t do about it. What was my answer? To make all three fall in love with me, and let them know that I noticed all of their differences. One didn’t like drugs. One would do all the drugs I had. One loved me. She was used to bend my mind and heart to it’s breaking point and beyond. I tried to explain my situation to others. Some listened. Others t…