L.I.F.E. Fight: Wounds from the war of addiction

There I sat on a cool dark night. The rough asphalt shingles kept me from slipping down the roof as I starred toward the stars."Where do I come from?  Why is this so hard for me? I feel so different. Why can't I just be normal?" During these moments desiring connections to the heavens, my heart laid open and my eye searched for meaning. 

The fight for life is full of struggle. There seems to be a constant push and pull between emotions like depression/happiness, security/freedom, individuality/community, and pleasure/pain. Sometimes an effort to avoid one over the other, we find ourselves lost. Our need for individuality has left us without community. Our desire to be free has cost us to lose security. And all we ever wanted was constant happiness yet we live in an ocean of depression. Our old identity which began in pleasure is now causing us only pain. Until we say, "I can't do this again. I have got to change." This is the beginning of the fight for a new life.


The thing about this fight is that it is often like an abusive, on again off again relationship. We want it to work, then it doesn't. We break up, get lonely, remember only the good moments, then reunite hoping to make new "good ol' time memories."

We have every reason to believe we aren't going to make it. Statistically at this moment during our recovery, we fail 100% of the time. We are bombarded with disempowering information of our addiction, and society continually disciplines us for our actions while saying it it's not our fault because we are sick. The situation seems hopeless. Yet we choose to fight anyway.

"I can't do this anymore. I miss my family, my son. It isn't even fun anymore. I keep going to jail. Is this the life I really want to live? I'm done. I'm going to rehab."


Relapse.


Is it even worth it? I mean why do I really want to get clean? I don't belong around them, they don't understand. I'm different. This mundane life isn't for me. I just need to get away from this stress. One time won't hurt."


We quit again. Then...


"I can't do this anymore. It's too much. I don't belong here. I can't deal with this." 


And. Again. 


Over and over this happens. We think self-doubting thoughts and be unsure about what we really want. Ultimately it's okay though. We are developing an incredible habit. One of the most important and powerful habits there is. That of persistence. The power of persistence is immeasurable. Like water which in time can carve stone, our formed habit of continued persistence will allow us to carve through obstacles in our own life. 


We will emerge. And when we do we will be new. A new us, who has a power few others have such solid evidence of. We overcame the stigma and the statistics. Our wounds from the war of addiction give us an understanding no scientist or scholar will ever understand, for they can only be learned through experience. A badge to be worn as proud as a Purple Heart. We have become a hero. Hero's have responsibility. They serve and empower those around them. They save lives. This is the next phase of life. 

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