Is this a disease or not?

I have believed that addiction is a disease. I have believed that it wasn't. Objectively I know people who are clean who say that it is, and that it isn't. Clearly, whether it is, or that it isn't, has no bearing on whether we get clean, or don't. However I do know the power of belief. I do know this it is a fact, that we can attach our own meaning to the events of our lives. This attached meaning and belief is only correct, I believe, if it is useful for us constructively. The other day I spoke to someone who inspired me and I sat and wrote this. 

The universe views my life through a telescope. The heavenly vantage has a unique view on facts that are today to be true. The me who used to use, even socially, in society is never coming back. The habits which created that character never made it to the hereafter. Here after I calmly look gifted celestially, how God the Potter molded me, to this creation he created in me. I once was a boy who thought he was a man who practiced construction. Drink daily, use socially, cornhole, darts and beer pong. Talk of the good all days, when I played football while watching the game on the big screen. I'd watch sitcoms on the couch back then until when...

I woke up in the woods or was it a hotel? Maybe it was the second level of hell? Glad I never descended to seven. I’m saved and on my way to the stars. But wait? Stop, rewind.

As a boy branded bipolar, a disorder which excused me from confronting emotions difficulty. Why couldn’t I sit still? It was told to me, that my ADHD made it difficult to focus. It's easy for them to notice my energy and cycling emotions were symptoms of a disease. It was nice to believe that it wasn’t me.

Fast forward. “My name is Eric and I am an addict." I have another disease. Man I'm messed up, this list is growing. Bipolar, ADHD, without self-control, addict becomes arrested, and now I’m a criminal. I just need my medicine. They don’t get it. It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault!

Bounce forward in time, after Life gifted divine. Watch this. It’s amazing, all inspiring, interesting to say the least. What if there is nothing wrong with me? What if it's like the X-men in need of a Doctor Xavier and his school for the gifted? Teach me how to use these gifts that are destroying my life and everything I love.

Turns out I can’t focus on things I have no interest in. Things I’m interested in, I go all in. My obsession became my friend. Constructively, this addiction is amazing.

My overthinking when trained allows me to see so many possibilities. All the corners of paper, I understand all ends of who’s arguing. This key is rational, logical thinking. Then decision.

My bipolar disorder when embraced allows my depression to write awe inspired art. The dark creativity is just enlightening. Now I have understanding and appreciation while happy, or sad, and empathy for those who ask "why me."

My mission back then was all focused on my addiction to a substance external to ingest or inject internal. Today my mission is to create in me a man of substance internally to impact the world outwardly.

We know that with every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. We also know that often, the greater potential something has for good, it equally has for evil. This is a paradox in our life that we live. A gun can be used to keep peace or it can be used for war. The internet can be used for instant communication of fact and of fiction. We choose for ourselves how to use these. How far fetched is it really for us to conceive that just possibly, we have only experienced our capacity for destruction through our lives thus far? Should we choose to learn as much as we can of ourselves, we can also learn the benefits of these traits which are so easily written off as "diseased." 

For me, what worked was a complete dismissal of preconceived beliefs. I became open to whatever new ideas were there. When I left Florida I did not consider whether I was sick or not, I just knew that if I was going to make it I was going to have to be incredibly serious about this. I put all my energy into fitness and being as busy as I could. Today I am addicted to personal development, the power we have in our mind, and a new mission. Life and God have flipped my script. My weakness were made my strengths. My dis-orders have been ordered. What if, what if we are gifted? What if, as tools in the hand of a child without a teacher become destructive, so are our gifts? What if, just as a child matures and is taught to use those tools is capable of construction, so can be our gifts? What if....

The BA2L is real,
Be addicted to Life.

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