The Vision of who I wasn't.

After spending a decade descending until destitute I arrived at the realization I didn't know who I was anymore. The person in the mirror had been erased. I didn't recognize my face. 

Drugs were my purpose. I was now purposeless. My words worshiped feelings of intoxication. I became speechless. My thoughts formulated plans fueled with deception; and when my lies were finalized, my identity couldn't be verified. It was then I was left with the first of many questions. One that would lead me down a new road of life. Who am I?


Here I was locked behind walls and keyed doors with limited options. I was now residing in a body I didn't really know. Which, I must say, is the perfect starting place. How many of us really know who we are? With all of the options we have outwardly in society, it's easy to become distracted from the person who we really are inwardly.


Like I said in "The Detox" there were the three actions, the three necessities and the belief that I was going to war. All of which I used to focus not on my past, but on to building my future. The questions I faced were, Who am I? and How can I find, me?



"Who we are NOT is the first step in finding our identity."
-Matthew McConaughey

It all starts with a vision.
It is a humbling experience to accept how anonymous I was to myself. All I knew was, who I wasn't. Who I wasn't, was a man who used drugs. That's about it. That was the grand beginning vision of who I was. The vision in my minds eye was only one with a smile and clean; shining bright as a star.

The funny thing is, is that when I knew who I wasn't, so much changed. I began to search for who I was in books and through writing, also in applying the virtue I was learning. When I read a proverb like, "Walk with the wise and become wise, associate with fools and get in trouble." (Prov 13:20) I elected to apply this to my character. I wrote letters to family of all the things I was learning. When I decided I didn't want to cuss I told everyone in my pod that if I did, I'd do 5 push ups. Not only that. I'd add up every cuss word. So my first two cuss words added up to 15. About 100 push ups later I had the cleanest mouth in jail. 


When we start removing all the things we realize aren't really us we inadvertently find our selves closer to our true selves. We stop going to the bars that leave us not feeling well, that frees up time. When we stop hanging around the people that don't care about personal growth, more time is available. When we stop doing all the things we do for other people and start doing things for ourselves, the time is replaced with things closer to who are true selves are. All through the process of elimination.  

Leaving destructive addictions and obsessions behind may leave us feeling broken, hollow and confused. This is going to happen to most who are leaving behind an old life. Vision is needed to see where we are going. But just as from a distance a person may be unrecognizable, they will get near, and when they do more details will manifest. Eventually we will recognize this person. We will be face to face with the person we are proud to call, ME. 
I took this picture 2016. I've come a long way
 from where I used to be and I'm proud to be me. 

The BA2L is real,
Be addicted to life,
Eric





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