The Detox

I walked confidently off the plane into the Columbus airport. As I breathed in the air conditioned air in the airport I heard my name. "Eric." In wonder I whipped around to reply and saw no familiar faces. There were two gentlemen in uniform walking my way "Are you Eric Dilley?" "Yes." I replied. "We have a warrant for your arrest out of Fairfield County." "Wow that was fast." I said with a smile. 

The plan was that I’d visit with my son, Deb and the Hope Without Dope group. Then after a week I'd turn myself in. My mother had other plans. She alerted the airport to arrest the felon who was flying in. I could have been mad. I could have run. I was done running. In my mind it made no difference to me. I made the decision to head into battle, not run from it. I made the decision not to be angry at others for my bad decisions. I, for the first time in a while, decided to own up to my life and to accept responsibility for it. My actions dug me into a hole. My actions must get me out.

I woke up under an itchy wool blanket. The jail was old. Yellow bars were cold. The floor was bare; someone needed to clean it. The TV was playing behind the bars; I could always hear it. It wasn't my freedom to turn it off. In the beginning I slept. This time I had solid sleep during detox. It is a bit different detoxing from crack than it is from heroin. Literally, I slept three days straight, only waking up for meals. 


Adjusting to a new life behind bars is about acceptance and routine. The more I went to jail the easier it was for me to accept being in there. Inside jail I had available to me three actions which are incredibly important. The three actions are reading (what is going in), writing (what is coming out), and movement. How we choose to use these actions determines our success.


The Detox: The act of ridding a person of anything destructive to said person.
"The secret to change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new." -Socrates


With my new empty filled time I had to create my own routine: My own structure that was constructive, not destructive to me as a person. It started with reading, writing and movement. These three actions would move me through the three necessities while detoxing.

The first necessity is exercise. Exercise is vitally important in recovery. Not only does it sweat the toxins out of your body, it helps keep racing thoughts at bay. It's also healthy and after living such an unhealthy lifestyle this is an essential habit to stay on track. 

It's nice to have someone tell you what to do. No planning, just doing. In jail I had Bruce. He would train me. He pushed me in my workouts. He never worked out; he just told me what to do. I did it. Maybe he just liked watching me suffer. He might have just wanted to see if he could get me to quit. Heck nahhhhhh. 

The second necessity is nutrition. Initially I ate whatever I could. My body was definitely deprived of much-needed nutrition. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were balanced meals based on a 2000 calorie diet. The same time every day. Any additional food was bought through commissary. I learned here that our bodies adjust to eating at times. The first step sucks because you feel hungry all the time. There is nothing you can do until commissary comes.  

The third necessity is structure. We need to decide what to spend our time on, and when. Our decisions on how we use our three actions ultimately end with one of 3 results. Movements that reinforce destructive habits. Idle or neutral movements which have no weight either way. And movements that reinforce constructive habits. We have to be very particular in our decisions. I looked into the situation as a chance for the construction of my person. A person consisting of a mind, a body, and a spirit. I decided to structure my options into the following: 

To construct and magnify my mind I read leadership books and studied virtue. 
To construct and build my body I exercised regularly. Tai Chi, Boxing, Calisthenics 
To construct and strengthen my spirit I read the Bible and applied virtue. 

Yeah I have virtue on there twice. Learning virtue will develop our mind. Applying it nourishes our spirit. So I had to relearn what is good. I had to remind myself. A valuable resource is the book called "The Book of Virtues". It is set up to be used for children and young adults. It uses children stories, letters from philosophers like Plato (On friendship) and C.S. Lewis (Men without Chests), and also leaders of the past like Martin Luther King Jr. (Letter from Birmingham Jail) and George Washington (George Washington's rules for civility).

I educated myself on leadership. I needed to learn to lead myself before I could ever imagine to lead others. I was very particular with my actions. If it wasn’t constructive I didn’t want it.  

The three actions and three necessities all are guided by the belief that we are going to war with ourselves, and the world. Face to face with the realization that I had tried to quit, and failed hundreds of times. Near every time I was released from jail it was my intention to get clean. I failed. If I didn't take this as serious as war I was going to fail again. This time I was going to be prepared because this battle is real.

The BA2L is real, Be addicted to life,
Eric 





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